Originally published on LinkedIn (reformatted for zahradnik.io / Medium)
After years of personal development, reflection, and integration, I reached a point where I believed I understood most of my internal patterns.
And yet — sometimes a tiny piece remains hidden, until life gives you the exact situation needed to reveal it.
The good news?
Once you see the pattern clearly, integration is fast.
Recently, I uncovered one such blind spot.
The Client / Friend Dynamic
About five years ago, a friend of mine — a co-founder of a software company — asked me to join a project as a senior Android engineer. I agreed. I trusted him. I was available.
In hindsight, the project was pure chaos:
- tight deadlines
- unclear expectations
- difficult onboarding
- structural gaps everywhere
At one point, my manager and my friend sat with me to say they weren’t happy with the results.
We talked it through and decided to continue.
I eventually delivered — but only by grinding in a way that was not healthy.
I still remember one Sunday night: working until morning, attending the 9:00 meeting, saying “the work is done,” and collapsing into bed.
When the project ended, not a single acknowledgment was given.
It left an aftertaste.
Why?
Because I wasn’t only working for a client.
I was working for a friend.
Without realizing it, I was running two conflicting programs:
- the professional mindset that requires clarity and boundaries
- the friendship mindset that wants to avoid disappointment
From the outside, this can look like uncertainty.
From the inside, it’s simply a conflict between two roles.
Fast-forward to today
I accepted a contract from another friend — someone who works with respect, calm, and freedom.
But the same internal mechanism surfaced:
- part of me sees him as a client
- part of me sees him as a friend
And the blend can distort expectations for a moment.
This time, however, I saw the pattern instantly.
Here’s what I learned:
- I’m not built for grinding on chaotic projects — if required, I work in aligned bursts, not endless push
- With the pattern visible, I can communicate cleanly and professionally without overexplaining
- No more late-night Sunday marathons
- Honesty without apology, boundaries without tension
Some people pay therapists to uncover these patterns.
I tend to reverse-engineer myself through introspection — pattern recognition is my native language.
And if I can map my own internal system this precisely…
imagine what I can see when I observe yours.
